Delirium, delirium

November 13, 2007

Lord, I hope tonight doesn’t catapult my total number of post-3am stints at the office into the double digits. Plenty of caffeine and an eye on the prize help keep things in perspective, though. After all, blood, sweat, and Dr. Pepper are being shed for a higher cause – namely, that little Bushie plays with his Guantanamo castle only within the boundaries of the sandbox and the rules of the playground. No stealing other figures and locking them away in your fort. Not yours.

It’s a typical night-before-a-brief-is-due night: rounds and rounds of edits, random certificates and tables to generate, and did I mention those edits? Rounds and rounds. Enough to make anyone dizzy. It’s important and interesting enough work to receive my full attention, and I’ve once again demonstrated a knack for correcting what would be catastrophic errors. Usually late nights at work don’t leave me feeling this throat-tuggingly awful. So what’s with the bad vibes? Oh yeah… kinda sorta my fault…

Late last night, I had ambitions of setting my alarm clock early in the morning, taking a pleasant predawn bike ride in to the office, and getting a jump start on what would be a fairly busy day. Well, I got as far as the setting my both my clock and my cell phone, whose snooze buttons got lots of wear between 4 and 8 in the morning. My limited left shoulder mobility meant that I usually had to throw some weight to turn myself over and smack one of the beeping thingies, but turning back over, pulling up the comforter just a little bit more, and relaxing into a smile made each effort more than worth it. Four hours of snoozing feels fantastic – tiptoeing between consciousness, semiconsciousness, and unconsciousness really gets the imagination going. It’s so easy to lose yourself in a memory or a fiction, then drift off to sleep and see those thoughts taken in a wholly new direction.

Then 8:30 rolled around. The bubble went pop. I realized I had to actually get out of bed. Dammit. Why did I snooze for so long? Oh that’s right, I convinced myself that I could afford to sleep more. Why does my delirious morning self have the power to override my logical evening self? I am in no position to make any decisions, no matter how important, before emerging from bed unless it involves when I should switch pillow sides. Today, I thought, was really going to suck. We’re talking Wells and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. My toes had barely reached the floor when I heard my Blackberry buzz. Turns out I was already behind on a project. Double dammit. As expected, I had wanted to go home before even shutting my office door.

Sixteen hours and five gazillion projects later, here I am, with just a little downtime before being told either “Go home!” or “Uh oh…” As you can imagine, I would kinda prefer not to hear anything resembling “Whoops.” There have been pockets of free time through out the day, fifteen minutes here and there. The major downside of snoozing for more than my usual two hours is that my eyelids feel three times heavier until I fall asleep next and my brain runs on half cylinders. While I do a decent job keeping an upbeat persona around my coworkers, once I retreat back into my office, the crotchety side takes over. Half-awake and struggling to stay focused/conscious, it’s all too easy to start mentally venting and follow up with some grouchy mumbling. Grrr… Alright, enough being persnickety. I have every intention of getting a cab out of here in the next half hour, bolting under my comforter, and not coming out until I get a full night’s sleep. Whaddaya know; it’s almost three. Brain likey not think no more. Is brain sure punch “Publish” good idea? We find out, methinks.

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